Bibl3.0

“We” are a collection of our experiences and feelings. “God” is “us”. “God” is mass consciousness.

As mass consciousness has grown with the number of experiences and feelings to amass within this large infinite field of who we are, we just keep getting bigger and bigger because there’s more to add. It’s like this chubby middle aged balding white man who sits at home and eats his Mcdonalds Big Macs daily, only to add more weight to his expanding belly like the average obese American in the 20th century.

This analogy can be placed into how mass consciousness, and hence, feelings and experiences of ourselves as a whole, continue to expand at an astounding rate. If we are a collection of all our feelings and experiences, and this collection of it keeps growing due to what humanity has experienced over the past 2000 years since Jesus was born, wouldn’t our morals and attitudes change over time as well?

How long has it been since Jesus first wrote the first version of the bible? About 2000 years ago. Now, let me tell you, life was a lot different on earth during 1 AD till now. Let’s see. Jesus was roaming around naked, there were more trees and the air was more crisp and cleaner. He didn’t have Facebook and Tiktok to chat with community and stalk his few hundred friends and potentially cyberstalk one eighth of the world population that equates to about 1 billion. He didn’t know that humans could hide themselves into industrialized cubicles within corporate capitalism. He didn’t know that Donald Trump existed. He was pretty lonely. He had to relate more with his gorilla friends and neanderthals than homosapiens, namely because there weren’t any. What was there to do? What did HE experience, and hence, the PERSPECTIVE from way BACK THEN?

He was the first human being to ascend into another dimension altogether. He was the first human being in the 5D dimension to get a curt overview and ‘perspective’ of how reality was to be envisioned within a world and a natural environment that was a lot different than how it is now, 2022, that’s for sure. He had the power to sort of dictate how humanity should carry on with its everyday practices. There were powers that he had in another dimension to manipulate space and time if things didn’t go according to course. He was the first to write the dear old Bible, with his commandments and testaments. Some of them include:

1. Thou Shall Not Steal
2. Thou Shall Not Commit Adultery
3. Thou Shall Not Bear False Witness
4. Thou Shalt Love Your Neighbor as Thyself
5. Thou Shall Not Kill

There were more upcoming versions of the bible, only to be revised. Most of mass consciousness on 3D earth is most familiar with the oldest version. The first one has well known commandments that people of any generation can easily spout out. You hear it in heated arguments between people left and right. “The bible says honor thy mother!” Holly Montag shouted at Spencer Pratt in a high-strung argument about respecting Heidi Montag’s mother in an episode of the reality show The Hills. The Montag family apparently didn’t really appreciate his gestures and his demeanor toward the mother during a typical visit to Heidi Montag’s hometown. Then don’t forget there are actual wars and missiles fired between different countries about a misinterpreted line in the New Testament.

Most of mass consciousness is aware of the different sects and different versions of the bible, and it has been updated. There are also different denominations of such mass religions as Christianity. It wasn’t only dear old Jesus. Several mass religions were created to encapsulate all this growth in experience with human consciousness. Then there were the hundreds of gods with Hinduism to accommodate Indian cultures. Buddhism is interesting and very esoteric. Dai Li Llama is a well-known central figure in spirituality. This in itself is just evidence of how attitudes and experiences change over time.

What people don’t know is that they are still behind in their interpretations of the bible. The main reason is that the bible is updated. Constantly. Human beings on 3D earth probably can’t catch up. This is because 5D is updated on a near constant basis and too quickly for the lower dimension to really understand how heaven really sees everything now and how their morals and views according to how certain things have changed. 5D is a higher dimension, and hence, operates at an exponentially quicker rate then 3D. It’s just due the law of natural physics.

One such disagreement is over homosexuality and whether it is accepted. According to the bible, the very first one, it was not viewed upon with very pleasant discourse. Jesus created it on his own, and he didn’t even get the chance to see another human being on Facebook post memes of themselves with their boyfriends or watch the hit show Two and a Half Men. Yet, you would think that our attitudes between 1 AD and now, our attitudes have changed, haven’t they?

There are LGBTQ groups everywhere these days. About 10 percent of the population can classify as something or another that does not fall in line with traditional heterosexuality. Sexuality in itself is so complex and blurred to begin with, you can’t fully understand someone within placing a cis or a trans in front of a label that one identifies themself as. At the end of the day, these are labels, and yet, there is a growing percentage of people who identify as queer. This in itself would naturally lend itself to more people feeling more comfortable with a subject that may not have been so familiar 2000 years ago.

Let’s not even try to take into the account that Bible 1.0 was written from the perspective of 1 human being that ascended to a higher dimension. That was the encapsulation of Jesus Christ’s experiences. Yet, over the course of the years, namely over the last century or so, humanity has managed to encapsulate about 8 billion human experiences on earth. You would think that this would overtake some of the original opinions and attitudes about homosexuality, right?

The thing is, the bible is constantly being written and rewritten. It has to in order to catch up with all the little quirks that consciousness has gone through. And there’s been way too many experiences to count on one finger. This consciousness is like a mind that just adds and adds up more and more of what they feel, and how they should feel over certain things. Of course, certain truths have stuck around consistently time and time throughout, the number ones being “Thou Shalt Not Kill”, “Thou Shalt Not Steal” and “Love Thy Neighbor and Love Thyself”. However, keep in mind that there will always be tweaks within the bible.

Morality has changed. This is a reflection of what we’ve experienced as a whole with humanity. We started off more similar to the chimpanzees and gorillas with our lifestyles, yet somehow things changed. Languages started to develop. We experienced black plagues in history. We discovered new countries and built new cultures and religions to take care of the new races and beings to come forth. We’ve held world wars to shake us up. Events like the Holocaust really taught us about what racism was. There has been massive growth with industrialization and technological practices. Knowledge has gained massive momentum. We’ve also seen the impacts that this progression of science has done with pollution towards the natural environment, as well with things like climate change. Every single aspect of every experience held within all of this will change 5D heaven’s perspective of how earth’s humanity should be run, and how they see it, most certainly in a new light.

Keep that in mind. Bible 1.0 or Bible 3.0? Trans Friendly or Homophobe? Get with the updated times!

eek! Who should he pray and bow down to?

Matt Greoning….duh!

There was an infamous episode of The Simpsons whereby the cartoon character Homer Simpson actually made his way from 2D to 3D level. It was an exciting episode, whereby all the rest of the cast were excited to see this philosopher transcend into another dimension altogether! Homer’s family and his neighbors all gathered together in his living room to ruminate over his disappearance and entry into this whole spectrum of a new dimension altogether. Professor Frink had mentioned and explained briefly what it was like to extend from 2D to 3D: “Well, it’s like an extension of your own very selves”, he stated, while drawing a shape of a 2D square all of a sudden transform into a 3D cube with his extended lines. Dr Reverend Lovejoy, who was well known for his constant preaching about god and the bible, knowingly asked Homer, “Homer? Do you see the light?!” That’s where all dead 3D souls have to head to once they die, after all. Same thing for 2D souls to head to 3D? Meh.

Homer Simpson was met with a lot of shapes and mathematical formulas, it was almost like a vortex that he was sucked into before he finally was placed in the 3D world with us humans and everyone on 3D earth. He walked along this sidewalk staring at his immediate surroundings. Everything was so. Different. Who are these beings? What is that to his left? Is that a plant? That’s a…store…? That is a…human…

You can place your best bet that Homer Simpson would be scrounging around for the one and only himself. Is it the one that Dr. Reverend Lovejoy has been preaching about all this time? God? Close. It’s Matt Greoning. That’s Homer’s ultimate ‘god’. He is the ultimate ‘creator’ of Homer Simpson and The Simpsons series altogether. He is the one who sits down and comes up with episode storylines and characters. He’s the one with the pencil and eraser and the flipbook.

This is how the life of the 2D ‘The Simpsons’ world is created. The same analogy can be made between us 3D human selves and 5D ‘god’ himself. Previous higher dimensions can manipulate time and space and erase or add events and characters in anyone’s “story” or “life”. They are the ones with the ultimate ability to change how your series of life events turn out. If you are following a typical path and storyline, your ‘god’ can add onto it as he or she so wishes, taking out pages from the flipbook (turning back time) and using their pencil to add in a new background object and character that shows up to stir the pot in your “story”. They can also erase a character you are meant to come across in the next 50 pages of the flipbook.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tnOl065mEVU

Let’s take a second to take a look at what happens in this contrived scene from the Simpsons. It is a flipbook that comes to life through a series of milliseconds that add up to about a few seconds of what happens in the lives of the Simpsons. Bart Simpson, being the all-knowing and all assuming brat, predictably takes out his slingshot and flings it to what’s straight in front of him, Homer. Homer feels the pain a second later, and the next second later you can see him heading towards Bart and strangling him. It is a direct take from a series of scenes from a series of episodes within the world of the Simpsons. If you were Matt Greoning, how could you manipulate and change this?

What if..

Matt Greoning went back many milliseconds within the whole few second spectrum. He’s at the 50th page now. Pause the video there. The slingshot is in the midst of being flung high up in the air and will land sometime in the near future. What if Matt Greoning decided to change the course of this scene? Head back in time by many milliseconds to this point. Instead of placing grumpy Homer there to have his head hit by that shot, why don’t we place Marge Simpson, Bart’s mother, there instead?

How would the next pages of the flipbook turn out? The slingshot has to eventually land due to the laws of physics, only this time the victim would be Marge Simpson. If this shot hit Marge Simpson how would the upcoming pages of the flipbook and milliseconds of this scene turn out? Would Bart Simpson be strangled after that second or two of flinging that slingshot, or would he just receive a disgruntled but endearing look from Marge’s face? If Bart weren’t to be strangled by his mother, this would change the course of his upcoming future events one min to an hour later now, wouldn’t it? This is the power of The 2D Simpson’s 3D ‘God'(Matt Greoning). Simultaneously, this is the power of our 3D human being’s 5D ‘God’.

God is ultimately the creator who can manipulate space and time and create scenarios within anyone’s life like no one else can. They have the ability to change how the course of your own life can turn out by erasing characters that come into your “life”, going back in time within your 70 year human life cycle and placing events that line up with what should come next based on what that previous certain page in the flipbook shows.

This is how your 3D life runs it course, much like how a cartoon character episode from a hit series like The Simpsons comes to “life”. Our own lives are frames of reality that line up one after the other in a predictable way that make the pages come together when flipped from beginning to end to make it come “alive”. Whoever is the creator behind this creation has quite a manipulative hand itself, twisting and contorting your own life in this manner. It’s time to bow down to you know who now, eh?

“When the time is right, please, head to the light. thx.” I should tack that onto my Facebook feed and twitter feed consistently to remind the world population of this. This is a topic that I don’t bring up with a lot of people, but as a lightworker, it can’t escape my mind. Most of the general population can’t even fathom this happening. But that’s because they aren’t as “conscious” as I am. I will try to explain this topic as thoroughly and clearly as possible, but it does make sense to me, since I’ve been given enough evidence and bits of clues as to what will happen in the future.

I find it hilarious that people were too shook and taken over by the recent Facebook shutdown that cut off one third of the world population for about half a day just yesterday. Media sources caught onto this, and it became a nice change from that constant covid scrutiny we’ve been hearing about over again about whether to make vaccination mandatory or not. What people don’t realize is that something bigger is going to grab the world population. All at once. You want something that will bring us all together at once, aside from Facebook and its memes and instant chats? Try the world apocalypse*wink*.

Most of the global mass conscious, well, mostly middle-class well-developed Euro American countries, believed that the apocalypse would occur once the new millennium came upon us. 2000 was the year. The mass media made a whole corruption of this, with the anticipation and buildup to shake everyone up and create a little fun. According to the bible, Jesus mentioned that the end of days would come for humans sometime around then, among his other prophecies. Everyone probably drank a bit more beer at their New Year’s Eve party that night in 1999. Gave them a bit more reason to.

Are psychic premonitions always right? Not always. Psychics give predictions that have seemed far-fetched from what I heard before. I once had a psychic at Jane and Sheppard mention that I would birth a child sometime within the next 5 years. I’m not birthing another child only to have it go through the world apocalypse with everyone else. HA. Not happening. So why are they saying all this? This is because psychics are only looking at a spec within the whole whirlwind of “possibilities” that could happen with ones “life journey” as they are living it. Psychics rarely nail the mark in terms of “future predictions.” They are more so more accurate with stating how conditions currently are, and intuitively knowing why someone is acting the way he or she is.

There are many future possibilities within our present reach. However, they only come upon us if they seem reasonable and logical as well. Can you one day be out on your summer vacation in Hawaii on labour day Sept 4, but then be stuck in the delivery room of a hospital because your water broke, and you’re birthing a baby Sept 5? No. These are two frames of realities that just don’t line up. There are many other possibilities to fill in that “future” card for Sept 5. You’d probably be back home getting up early in the morning, a bit tired and miserable for the upcoming workday. A future only comes to us if there are logicalities and reasonable instances that lead up into it. Maybe give it another 3 years, when you’re in your mid 30s, having settled down with your prince charming, and finally ready to have your first child.

I think what the psychic at Jane and Sheppard was probably peering into with his future predictions was a “glimpse” of a “possibility” of many future realities. Psychics can do this. It’s just a natural law at the end of the day. They are not complete shams, since they can always intuitively catch onto motives, and can sometimes predict things that happen maybe a day later. Future premonitions are “possible”, but “when” and “if” they stumble upon us is another story in itself. Psychics can easily manipulate objects within a room with enough energy and mental power as well. Space and time are manipulated through higher powers. Psychics have a bit of a higher power, where “heaven” is, 5D us. You need to be of a higher consciousness in order to obtain any psychic power to oversee a lower consciousness to perceive it, and possibly manipulate it.

Psychic Sylvia Browne wrote a book called End of Days that shared all the visions she had of how the world would end. She started receiving them since she was a young child. It probably got to be a bit too much, so much so that she had to write a compilation of her visions in a bestselling book, End of Days. I find it amazing that she was able to write a full book about all the different possibilities that laid upon us. That would be quite a bit, getting all these signs and such. Again, these were all possibilities. Yet, POSSIBILITIES can turn into TRUTHS with REASONABLE frames of realities that all match up with one another in anyone’s TIMELINE.

There was a whole mish mash of possibilities of when the world apocalypse would come for humans, be it the new millennium 2000, or 2020, or 1990. I’m sure Sylvia Browne was just giving a taste of all that was upon us. It could be any of those instances. I remember picking up her book from the library and bringing it with me to my cousin’s sleepover one night in my preteen years. I remember glimpsing over all the wonderful possibilities that Sylvia Browne laid bare upon us. It’s interesting, but I even remember reading over her prediction about 2020:

“In around 2020, a severe pneumonia-like illness will spread throughout the globe, attacking the lungs and the bronchial tubes and resisting all known treatments,” it said. “Almost more baffling than the illness itself will be the fact that it will suddenly vanish as quickly as it arrived, attack again ten years later, and then disappear completely.”

I thought it was one of the reasonable sorts of truths about what humanity would experience, given where we were in terms of our current situation back when I was 11 years old. There were other somewhat insanely wacky predictions from Sylvia Browne stated as well, that seem far-fetched:

By 2014 people would have microchips in their brains to “override” mental health issues like schizophrenia and severe epilepsy

By 2020 it would be common for women to give birth in gravity-rigged birthing chambers. ​

She wrote this book in the 90s, and it was all a glimpse of what to see within the next 50 years. There were so many predictions, some of them didn’t even line up with one another. You couldn’t fit one prediction with the next. This is because these possibilities were all placed somewhere within space and time. Psychics never know exactly “when” and “if”. However, at least they can give you a possibility.

To argue that some sort of apocalypse would happen upon us needs reasonable truth based on logicality within a certain timeline of a life. For humanity, we’ve gone through a lot since Jesus was born. He was the first human. He was the first to die. He was the first to ascend to some higher level. He was the first to see humanity in the upcoming future as well. He could also manipulate space and time too if he wanted, like any spirit in the 5D world upon the 3D world creatures. I’m sure that he saw something for future human creatures. This was within a timeline. He stated it in the Book of Revelations. The millennium. Again though, “when” and “if” though is never 100% to the exact point. However, at the same time, don’t disregard psychic premonitions. They ARE a POSSIBILITY if we somehow build up on it to become a REASONABLE TRUTH OVER TIME.

Why would the apocalypse for humanity seem reasonable? There are several reasons for this. The main one is to build homeostasis for humanity and surrounding creatures and natural beings on earth. Humans have been wasting a lot of resources in the past century or so, especially with industrialized practices. This was especially prevalent once the 60s and 70s hit, and factories started to become built on grander scales, power plants were churning out more energy, and people could feel the smoke in the air a little bit more. Humans were also beginning to breed more of themselves right after WWII had ended. The world population in 1950 was only 2.5 billion. Now, it has risen 3 fold to 8 billion.

With more resources and population, you’re going to use a lot more of what’s around you. Are the gorillas building power plants as well? Are they killing chickens left and right so they can breed them and manufacture them to sell as frozen products over at Frescho? No. Human beings are being unique in the sense that they are using a lot. What they don’t realize is that it’s hurting everyone around them, and eventually, with this sort of timeline of mass consumption, homeostasis will be disrupted. The trees won’t like it. The birds and bees won’t like it. More so too, 5D Jesus won’t like it with every other soul there.

Psychics don’t like it too when there is disruption and madness. “I thought it left my body! My Karma is good! WTF!” I yelled at Hindu psychic one day while revealing 500 dollars had left my bank account. That ghost that had left my body had decided to place a magic hex on me to steal a couple hundred bucks every few months in 5D heaven. Hey, these things happen. “Shhh!” Hindu psychic replied, urging me to calm the fuck down. “There are spirits around you! You’re being too hectic and loud!!” I looked around me. There was one of the Hindu god figures behind the Hindu psychic. I couldn’t hallucinate or feel anything at that moment. I’m sure Hindu psychic did though. He was very upset all of the sudden, almost absorbing the energetic spirits that were around him and agreeing with them. Hindu psychic was having a moment feeling the “other side”, and I’m sure psychic Sylvia Browne had her moments as well. They are intuitive moments for psychics.

I sort of knew that this pattern of mass consumption would only get worse over time. It was a pattern on a graph that could only go up in its linear ways, mostly. But there are limits to this kind of overuse of energy. This is where the higher power or sources will do something about it to halt humanity from wasting too much and polluting too much. The reasonable point to which we got to where we are now, 2021, can even be seen with the world weather groups and their predictions about the rise in temperature over time 1.5 degrees to open up the climate change crisis to really take off.

A report published by the World Meteorological Organization stated in 2020 that by 2025 there was a 40% chance of the world temperature would become at least 1.5 degrees hotter than pre-industrial level. In the last decade, it was estimated that the chance of any one year reaching the 1.5 degrees higher than pre-industrial levels was only 20%. That chance rose by 20% within the past decade. I can’t imagine what the possibilities are in the next 2, 3 years. Or will it become a truth?

If spirits and ghosts from another dimension are witnessing the massive destruction on the planet by human beings, they will be emotionally affected by it. Maybe to the point where they will do something drastic about it. I’ve heard stories of how guardian angels have helped middle aged black women attune to the higher powers of light to win the lottery. Don’t underestimate the higher powers to do other things too, such as shake up the human species with some sort of grand endeavor to help them see how they are disrupting the planet, perhaps with a virus or so. Maybe covid is the beginning of it all.

Covid 19 was suddenly brought to our attention in March of 2020. Sylvia Browne mentioned the 2020 pneumonia like illness that would come upon us. It would affect the bronchial tubes. One could not help but tie in covid with this prediction. Maybe she caught onto a spec of something that was meant to fall within the guidelines of humanity’s own timeline. It is something that has been placed upon us. And for reasonable reasons as well.

There has been nothing that has affected 90% of the world population simultaneously to this extent than covid in world history. It will get worse than the flu pandemic that was sprung upon us in 1918. What’s more amazing is that covid and its vaccine changes the DNA of human beings as well. This kind of alteration is probably something that is in line for preparing for some other simultaneous happenstance. Perhaps another virus will hit us a decade from now, as she mentioned, but this time, there will be more deaths left and right. Covid has hit a lot of people. In terms of deaths though, we are thankful that it isn’t killing humanity at that exponential rate one could not even fathom. I think that’s where Sylvia Browne’s prediction about that newer virus will come in. That’s when the real story will begin. Regardless, the prediction about some sort of 2020 pneumonia like virus did fall in line with the lifeline of humanity. We began with Jesus roaming around by himself. Now we’re here in 2021. 8 billion people. Humanity that has gotten greedier and more wasteful. Who knows what will happen next.

It’s interesting, but the way we label the whole LGBTQ community can be broken down and systematized in such a way whereby it’s all too systematic, and one would wonder whether certain categories follow the proper logic or not.

You hear of people like Caitlynn Jenner (formerly known as Bruce Jenner) in the media. As a male who was cast as an appearing member on the hit TV show Keeping Up with the Kardashians, he was one of the few men that was broadcast and followed around amongst the slew of females who plastered around town within the hit confines of L.A, making their lives known to millions all the while doing nothing and raking in the dollars just for having cameras follow them around. An interesting storyline within Keeping Up with the Kardashians was the father Bruce’s sudden decision to transition from being a male to a female. On screen, Bruce was initially broadcast as a former Olympic athlete who won several medals in his lifetime. He was a man in his mid 50s who was formerly wed to Kris Jenner and made regular appearances on the show to highlight how the two interacted, and how the children (all female) reacted to his walk ins.

Of course, the storyline of a male deciding to opt for surgery to become a different sex would intrigue anyone upon first glance. Yet, even the producers weren’t necessarily able to really hone in on what the build up to his decision to become a female was. The storyline mostly involved Bruce’s hidden secrets bit by bit before he would show his final true colors as a post op female now, injected with hormones and a new name to go with it. Viewers weren’t able to truly understand what the true motives and true intentions behind this were. All most remember was that significant moment when Kris Jenner had finally seen Bruce as Caitllynn, adorned with the feminine outfits and whatever surgery could do to make him into his wish of being a female as much as possible. It was a memorable scene having scene Kris plop her head down on the kitchen counter in agony, surprise, and shock having seen a new character literally in front of her eyes.

Most will never truly understand the logic behind transgender characters. What’s more interesting and strange is that transgender can be either heterosexual or homosexual. Transgender is only in reference to one who has not undergone the surgery to alter their physical selves to become the opposite sex, that is considered transsexual. With all this to take into consideration, one would need to draw a diagram with the systematic chart of what category flows into what.

Having a bit of a spiritual background, I was able to put the pieces of the puzzle together somewhat, realizing that perhaps transgender is more a spiritual issue. One can feel certain things simply from energy. We are all made up of energy. Our sense of self is encapsulated in this energy at any given time. This sense of self also gives us our divine masculine and feminine. Energy can travel from body to body and exist in simultaneous physical bodies or natural objects as well. Being transgender is something that more so involves who we “feel” we are, but is exempt and irrespective of our actual sexual orientation and drive-something our physical body and hormones gives us.

I know that it is hard for one to control feelings. Sometimes your feelings and moods can change with the physical environment you’re in, with time, and with what you surround yourself with. This is why empaths can go on emotional rollercoaster rides by feeling very aggravated around distraught mothers in foster care homes, to feeling calm and soothed in a group meditation circle. Our own feelings and energies can be charted forward by decade and century spans with sciences such as astrology. If this is the case, can we “feel” a certain gender?

This emotion tied to one sex is ultimately tied to our sense of self. A sense of self is who we “feel” we are, and can change over time and space as well. Ultimately though, personality does remain consistent within a given lifetime. It’s what makes a character who they are and gives them their quirks and cons in order for others to recognize and predict how they will act when presented upon a certain situation. Why can’t a sense of self involve a consistent gender we feel throughout our lives?

Transgenders ultimately knew what sex they felt like ever since they were an infant. They didn’t need too much of the socialization norms to configure whether they were male or female. It was an instinct that was tied to them and not socially manifested. This is where the divine masculine or feminine plays its parts. It’s not the exposure to barbie dolls or toy trucks that pulls the spectrum from one end to the other. There isn’t even a part of the biological brain that we can even pinpoint to “feeling” a particular “gender”. The biological parts of our brain that dictate roles related to sex include hormones and physiological mechanisms that play its part in sexual drive and orientation.

I happened to come across a guy who was my ex’s former best friend in junior high through Facebook. I had heard of him and seen his profile, which gave me a few clues as to what he was. He was someone who studied neuroscience at Princeton University and was planning to wed a very attractive female soon. His profile showed pictures of him and her together, at restaurants, outside by the lake, and dressed up in suits and wedding dresses. I thought he was a very standard male with a typical life. What was impressive to me was his pursuit of a graduate degree in Neuroscience from Princeton. He moved from Toronto to study at Princeton, and then came back again. I always had considered messaging him here and there, but never really knew the right trigger or excuse to get me to talk to him.

It wasn’t until one day when my ex decided to block me from Facebook. I was upset with this move, because now I couldn’t talk to him anymore. My inner motive was to stay ‘connected’ to this ex somehow. More interestingly enough to add onto this, was the fact that Adrian had suddenly started posting profile pictures of him adorned in makeup. He was growing his hair long, and had lipstick on and eyeshadow to match. He wore more makeup than I usually did. This profile picture naturally garnered as much attention as one posting a pic of their newborn as a Facebook update would. He liked to call himself Adrianna now. I couldn’t turn my attention away from this stimuli grabber either, like most. I thought to myself, ‘maybe I’ll contact him to talk to him about his transgender status. I’ll tell him that it’s a spiritual issue, not a biophysiological one.’ That would be my excuse. Deep down, I just wanted to get back in touch with my ex in someway. Why not contact his former best friend to cyberstalk him?

“Hey, how are you doing?” I dropped a line on Facebook.

“I’m doing well.”

“Your profile picture is interesting. It got me thinking a little bit about things.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. I was thinking that transgender is more of a spiritual issue than a biochemical one.”

“Well, that can make sense,” he replied.

“Do you want to hang out sometime to discuss my theories about this further?”

“Sure.”

We set up a time to hang out and meet at his place. I didn’t think much of the location and the usual implications of that at the moment, since I was more so entangled with getting back at my ex and also bombarding him with my spiritual theories. Little did I know that we would end up in bed together fooling around a few hours later.

“Transgender is a spiritual problem. It could have to do with a spirit having been assigned to the wrong physical body during their reincarnation process. They were supposed to be the opposite sex. This is why the remaining feelings of being in the wrong body persist,” I presented to Adrianna.

He nodded, but didn’t have much else to add to that. He was dressed not as a drag queen and so made up that day, but in his usual tee and shorts for that mid spring afternoon. I really didn’t know how else to push the theory and conversation further, so I decided to relate that to his neurological knowledge of gender association.

“You hear of sexual drive being tied to the hypothalamus and pineal gland. That’s where all the hormones are within a specific sex. Females have both progesterone and estrogen. Meanwhile, males have testosterone. Is that the case?” I asked him.

“I got 60s in all my courses,” he mentioned, not wanting to spew out any jargon related to the neuroscience behind sex or gender identity. I was a bit surprised. After all, he attended Princeton of all places. Overall, his mood appeared to be a bit glum. He was prepared to head out to a bar later that night with his friends, but his energy wasn’t necessarily there to converse much with me.

Instead, he decided to lean a bit closer to me while we were in bed and make sexual advances on me. This surprised me. I thought he was homosexual. After all, if you think like a woman, wouldn’t you want a man of all things? I assumed he had kept hidden the part that he was gay or bi to his ex he was planning to get engaged to as shown on Facebook. I guess I was wrong. The foreplay began, and I didn’t know what else to do but play along with it, since he was beginning to lift my top off and grapple my breasts now.

After the sexual session ended, Adrianna had this thought of relief flow over him, and his mood and energy had seemed to pick up now. I asked him, “I thought you were homosexual?” He looked at me and replied, “No, I’m straight.” I admitted that it was very awkward, the exchange between the two of us. “I feel a bit weird after all of that. Considering we both know Jackson as well.” Adrianna rolled his eyes. “Jackson is self interested.” It seemed as though he could care less about him. “Okay.”

“Hey, you came over this afternoon, so I assumed you wanted to fool around, right?”

He tried to sort of explain his advances on me with these implications. I was a bit taken aback, but didn’t want to necessarily fight it. I didn’t make a comment. It was nice to see his mood somewhat elevated now though.

He started to reach for his closet and started picking out shirts that hung from the closet. These were female shirts, with bold colors and creative designs to match.

“How does this look?” He asked me while holding this pink buttoned shirt to his chest.

“Good,” I responded.

I watched him go through his tops the way a true woman would scour through her closet looking for the best matching outfit to show off her body. He surely seemed to act the part of a woman at that moment.

After having finally decided on a nice green top to wear that night, Adrianna appeared even more revved up for the coming night. It was interesting to see the turn of his energies. The sex session surely changed his mood.

“Well, I guess I’ll let you get ready for tonight,” I mentioned, declaring my duty to let him prepare for tonight.

He gave me a nice wide grin and an overall satisfied look on his face.

I walked away a bit surprised and left wondering, but it made me realize that things aren’t obviously what they always appeared to be. He was someone who probably had a hard enough time meeting girls, but to do it advertising yourself as a woman. He also showed me that sexual drive is segregated from gender identity. Even I thought and assumed as though one had to have the sexual preference for the opposite sex if their gender identity was different. He just didn’t “come out” yet. Why else would one go through sometimes the surgical operations and hormonal changes? That wasn’t the case though. He was straight. He did have a genuine relationship with his ex he was engaged with. She probably wasn’t happy with his preferences to look like the opposite sex. He told me they broke up before he moved back to Toronto.

When Bruce Jenner started to undergo surgery, his preferences for women started to change to men as well. It was the hormone injections of estrogen that could have played a role in this. Cameras followed him even further with his own spinoff series, the Caitlynn Jenner Show. The messiness that this situation caused for him and those close to him grew even further. I could only imagine how hard it was to hide your sexual orientation. Yet, to have it altered somewhat and changed as well? I’m sure his family and friends needed the clarification. It’s unfortunate, but transgenders have a high suicidal rate, half of all transgenders commit suicide. The answers are never clear with them fully. They don’t live up to societal expectations and are considered rebels and outcast form society. At the end of the day though, we are made up of energy. We sometimes can’t fully control how we feel as a gender, and this a strong persistent feeling that makes up or own sense of self.

The commute to school is sometimes spiced up when a homeless person catches my attention. They usually mutter incoherent, disconnected phrases on the streetcar, and take on different characters. The rest on the streetcar try to ignore them, but usually there’s no need to. These schizophrenics are lost in their own delusions and auditory, visual hallucinations. They’re in their own fantasy world.

It’s really hard to figure out a seamless, integrated storyline of what they are verbally trying to convey, unfortunately. I once came across an old woman who started muttering something about Alice in Wonderland and the Mad Hatter. She was talking to herself, or perhaps to someone else who didn’t objectively, concretely, exist within space and time at that very moment. Then she went on to discuss something else in a very derogatory tone of voice. The woman went off tangent and spoke of Michael Jackson. She was angry. Which is another thing I notice about schizophrenics-they are always charged up and very emotional in their tone of voice. Wow, there must be some intense conversation going on, coupled with the purging of fiery feelings.

I’m sure you all think to yourselves during these moments-“wow, this person is craaazy.” Then to assuage yourself, you remind yourself, “heh, I know I’m not like that. I’m sane.” But here’s the fallacy. What you don’t realize is that the capability to fall into the trap of disordered thinking is inherent in all of us. Disordered thinking is a capability every one of us with a normal human brain possesses.

Have you ever thought to yourself that you succumb to disordered thinking, yet at the same time this disordered thinking comes off as rational, subjectively, to you? The frontal lobes, the very part of your brain that lies inside your forehead, responsible mainly for regulation of conscious thoughts, shuts down, and the rest of your brain is allowed to roam free. The frontal lobe is like the mother hen. It keeps the other hens in check. But once it’s gone, thoughts from your subconscious come to the surface. Chaos ensues.

Thoughts you possess come to the surface, but these thoughts don’t tie in together. You’ve entered into your own fantasy world. These are illusions that somehow make sense every night-in your sleep. While you’re dreaming, you may be kissing Brad Pitt, elated in bliss and joy and lust, then whisked away to Hawaii one second later, all of a sudden to confront an evil cartoon character like Wiley E. Coyote who chases you around. This provokes the sensation of being scared out of your wits. The random switching of locations and emotions just doesn’t make sense. But wait a minute-of course it does, at that very moment you are experiencing it.

When you’re in the moment of a dream, it is coherent. Dreams are also extremely emotional-because your subconscious mind is trying to purge out any deep-rooted emotions that are bothering you in your dreams. It’s only when you wake up to remember your dream that you realize how twisted it really was. Indeed, hallmark features of what makes a dream-well, a dream-disorder, and emotional intensity.

This is what schizophrenia is-a condition that most people refer to as “dreaming wide awake”. Our dreams mimic schizophrenic like symptoms, and if you think about it this way, you can come to understand how we aren’t that distant from schizophrenics. Their symptoms manifest when they are awake, but most people don’t realize how we all engage in this type of delusional thinking all the time. Only, our eyes are closed while we are doing it, and our conscious, self-regulating mind is absent. Some people even go so far as to talk in their sleep. Others sleepwalk.

Something happens in the minds of schizophrenics-the conscious, waking part of themselves that can control disordered thinking shuts down and malfunctions. They start hearing things that aren’t there, they start seeing things that aren’t there. With the rest of the population, we keep that type of thinking in check. Self-consciousness takes over, and we have the ability to control that unconscious side of ourselves whenever we are acquainted with broad daylight. Come night time-that’s a whole different story though.

So are we really that distant from schizophrenics? Are they alien creatures who mutter silly things on the streetcar? Are they lowly creatures, similar to lower-ordered primates, including dogs and chimpanzees?

Just remember that we are all human beings. The brain machinery exists so that we have the capability to experience the same things as every other person. Each and every one of us has the preset ability to delude ourselves in the moment with subjective rationality. Realizing this endows you with a sense of understanding of this phenomenon called “dreaming wide awake”-their frontal lobes are always in the “off” mode-unable to get out of the funk that it’s in and “wake up”. Maybe we’re more alike than we all think.

When she visited his death place in Washington, he showed her where he bought drugs usually….

As souls in the universe, we can choose to complete life contracts under 2 bodies if we wish. The only thing that must remain constant within those 2 bodies is this: Our soul must complete the same soul contract with the same: life theme and life lessons. We choose when we will die, and it is our spirit guide’s job to make sure we stick it through from beginning to end. It’s funny, but after reading the book Journey of Souls, I got a better idea of how the triad between Elissa, Justin, and Kurt Cobain could exist and fit together so well emotionally. Every soul can also have a twin flame as well, and Elissa’s twin flame was something that existed in her body, but also existed as the same twin flame within Kurt Cobain’s body as well.

I could see similarities between Elissa and Kurt Cobain’s life themes and life lessons looking back now. They both decided to end their lives, which was unfortunate, since that was not what was supposed to be planned for both bodies (yet same soul). They both at the end of their lives were supposed to be Earth Angels who helped humanity ascend to the 5th dimension. Yet, they both committed suicide. Kurt Cobain was born in 1967 and died in 1994. Meanwhile, Elissa was born in 1980 and died in 2019. Their soul completed Kurt Cobain’s body’s life earlier than Elissa’s body’s.

Growing up, Elissa loved music, it became her life and blood. Same with Kurt Cobain. I knew that Elissa had dreams of becoming famous. She always spoke of her dreams of producing an album. This was especially prevalent before Justin’s death and before she garnered her wings on her back. “How am I going to make enough money to produce my album?” she’d cry. She wanted it more than anything to have her name out there, to people hear her music. Kurt Cobain was lucky enough to get an agent that really helped him out, and he blew out onto the music scene in the early 90s. He would perform with a group called Nirvana, and doled out such hits like “Smells Like Teen Spirit”. His style was alternative grunge rock, which was what Elissa’s genre was as well. I’d hear of Elissa’s music through her gofundme page. Her nickname was Warrior Girl.

What was even more interesting between the two was that both of them were assigned to be Earth Angels in this lifetime. Yes, Kurt Cobain was assigned to be an Earth Angel. Why else did he perform in front of crowds with his curled self and messy hair, a sweatshirt, all finished off by angel wings? Soon-to-be Earth Angels have the typical trait of desiring and loving angels. I could see the same outfit on Elissa every time she performed on stage. She would wear a revealing, tight outfit, with the makeup to go with it. It wouldn’t be an outfit without wings to top it off though. It was her way of her making her mark, her stage name of some sort.

Both of them loved angel wings and used it as part of their costume when performing. Both of them also had to give up a body part in their lifetimes in order to gain those wings. This included a removed appendix. Kurt Cobain lost his appendix at a young age, in his early teens, as did Elissa as well. Elissa’s story behind that was tougher though, considering her father had beat her to the point where she had to have it removed. Nonetheless, both of them did carry the health consequences of a removed appendix. It is a residual organ, yet it can still cause obvious health issues if one doesn’t take care of the themselves well enough. For him, it was the chronic stomach pain. Elissa had developed Crohn’s Disease, which causes inflammation of the digestive tract, and hence, the same stomach pain.

Elissa and Kurt both had depressive episodes throughout their lifetimes. You could usually see it with the way he performed live, he didn’t necessarily show the most joy and enlightenment. With Elissa, several themes had gotten in the way of her happiness. She wasn’t happy with her abusive father. She wasn’t happy with not getting noticed for her music. For both Kurt and Elissa, they both were very unhappy with the way their chronic stomach pain held them back from enjoying life.

As a way of coping, they both turned to drugs to deal with the pain. Kurt Cobain had a reported heroin addiction that the media had caught onto. He experimented with marijuana from time to time, hoping it would heal with stomach pain. Elissa turned to alcohol during her teenage years and had a stint with meth during a crucial time in her life in her early twenties. For both of them, the suicidal urges would creep up at several peaks in their lives. What kept them both going was music. Music was what kept both of them alive during those downfalls.

Of course, when Kurt Cobain had committed suicide that fateful day when he shot himself with a gun, the world caught on and the media reported this story to no end. A rockstar had just killed himself. His wife Courtney Love had just arranged to have him enter and stay at a drug addiction rehab recovery facility not too long ago, and now to find him dead by gunshot. A suicide note was left beside him, quoting Neil Young by stating that “It is better to burn out than to fade away.” Traces of heroin were also found inside his body. This was in 1994, when Elissa was only 14. She was at that age where she would start riding the same emotional rollercoasters that Kurt felt too, but when she heard the news, it stung her heart. Almost as though she was losing “a part of myself”.

I heard comments about the ways in which Kurt contributed to her music inspiration throughout her life. Continually, she developed music that left remnants of Kurt’s music themes. She started wearing the wings when she started to perform live onstage at local pubs and bars, local events. This was because she was adorned with the idea of being the soon-to-be earth angel, a life theme that Kurt couldn’t carry out, but maybe she could. Kurt suddenly became her mentor for music, as she started plastering her bedroom walls with Kurt Cobain posters. When Justin came into her life in her mid twenties, he constantly encouraged her music career by buying Nirvana gifts and merchandise for her. As a roommate, I remember her framed black and white Kurt Cobain poster of him in his typical stance, sitting there with a guitar, shoulder length hair slightly messy, strumming his guitar in his oversized sweatshirt.

More interestingly enough, I found out certain things about Kurt Cobain through Elissa. For one, he was a rainbow child with a rainbow aura. She mentioned her visit to his death place in Washington had a sacred element to it. His energy had guided her to his living space, and he showed her where he bought his drugs from. “I felt him walk beside me” she mentioned to me. But more so, she also commented that “He took away my urge to kill myself. I felt happiness.” She also added, “He is in a happy place right now.” Kurt Cobain’s spirit was up in heaven being a teacher and an angel. To capture all the spiritual feelings and thoughts, she decided to take a picture of her hugging Kurt’s tree in his backyard.

Every time Elissa had a dream about Kurt Cobain, there’d be at least several other fans or figures trying to hover over for his attention. He always gave her priority and paid attention to her first. “He asked me how I was doing,” she said of a vivid dream. “I replied that I was upset about my myself. Yet, he said that he really liked my stuff,” she said. Kurt was always there to provide her with that extra bit of encouragement to live out her life soul contract to its fullest potential in those ways. It was probably because he couldn’t have lived it out fully in one body, but he would have loved to have seen it played out in her. He became a rock star, yet he didn’t necessarily become the earth angel that humanity and god had planned out.

When Justin killed himself, Elissa started noticing patterns between Kurt and Justin’s death. She instinctually recognized patterns in which Justin’s body wasn’t found until 3 days after his suicide, much like Kurt’s. “Kurt Cobain’s spirit came to me right after Justin’s death,” she mentioned. “Today’s the day that Kurt killed himself 24 years ago, and it’s within the same week that Justin killed himself,” she noted the first week of April 2018. She knew that Justin found Kurt in the spirit world.

Justin eventually became Elissa’s “wings” on her back as a spirit. As her twin flame, and the one whose life she had to save in order to gain her wings, she was to play out her role as Earth Angel now to society. Kurt Cobain’s spirit was observing from afar, and this life venture would hopefully play out a little different. “Is she going to live up to the role of Earth Angel she was assigned to?” I wondered and mentioned to fellow Earth Angel Sonja Grace over the phone. She responded that “The Angels will tell her to do her part! There are timelines to everything!”

Unfortunately, she got caught up in a lot as well. It was the blend of grieving the death of a loved one right there, having to build up her self-confidence and sense of self-worth with a new character attached to herself, and having the added pressure from hearing signs and signals from spirits on the other side. Her delaying her job in advertising herself as an Earth Angel eventually led god to give her a concussion. That shook her up and was the final marker for her to take her life. She just couldn’t take being this interdimensional and having too much thrown at her. She missed the other side as well, where Justin and Kurt already were. She wanted to join them.

In the end, Elissa took her life as well. She had signed herself into the suicidal unit of CAMH and said goodbye to this life by overdosing on prescription pills. In soul contracts, humans are still provided with free will, although spirits will enter into ones life to play tricks on them, move objects, send messages, and more. She ultimately decided to use her free will to make the decision to take her own life. Her soul energy can be found up there in its complete form with Justin, Kurt Cobain, and Elissa Barclay now. This soul form has experienced and encapsulated all the life trials and tribulations these three individual lifetimes have gone through.

(alien from the oldest galaxy in the universe) will morph me into one that doesn’t have to reincarnate between the 5D and 3D realms.

Here’s the thing: there are numerous parallel reality realms in the universe in general and what you can call the utmost “god”, “god” of the universe as you may call it. Each dimension has its own cycles, and these cycles are basically reincarnation cycles. As you move up each dimension, the highest one has the quickest cycle whereby past and present and future almost all mesh into one, and time doesn’t even exist really, or is 1 millisecond.

The lightworkers who were placed on this earth to help “save humanity” includes a slew of 5D spirits. This includes earth angels, wise ones, elementals, and empaths. But also, a category of lightworkers includes starseeds. These are the “aliens” as you call them, that are from the 9D+ dimensions, that operate at such speeds and cycles that the future of technology and development defy no other. These “aliens” have such advanced lifestyles that they don’t even have to communicate with each other through “language systems.” They communicate with each other through pure thought and telepathic abilities. They have also reincarnated as human beings and taken on human bodies in order to welcome themselves and help “save humanity” for this particular generation. This saving of humanity is done in order to help human beings especially to ascend to the 5th dimension altogether, because they are wasting a lot of space and resources on planet earth.

So amongst all his hierarchy of parallel realities, the starseeds, who are labeled as Arcturian starseeds, are the oldest billion year species within this galaxy of the universe. They are close to the all-knowing, all wise, all-encompassing type of species that has control and power over everything below them. It’s funny, but they hide under the guise of standard human beings. Imagine being greeted by an alien and shaking hands with one? Mentioning something like this to a friend will throw you into the schizophrenic unit of CAMH or something.

I happened to meet a character named Alex who happened to be an Arcturian starseed. He hid under the guise of a very cute looking white guy who had a generic first name and last name. He had hippie parents who raised a standard, middle class family. On the outside, you wouldn’t have seen anything wrong with this setup. It was something that fit into societal norms on a large scale. Yet, Alex felt like an “alien” and felt isolated and lonely within this society. He didn’t know how to fit in with typical social gestures and norms as he learned to pick that up growing up.

When I met him, I was happy that I found someone who was a lightworker as well. My best friend happened to be an “earth angel”. He was a starseed. Not only that, but the starseed from the oldest galaxy in the universe! It made me worship this kind of a character, a cute white guy. He was the utmost “god”, the one that the universe finally blended into altogether as one. It’s funny, but this kind of worship washed over me as though I was preaching to Jesus or God, only the 9.0 version of it, that perhaps had better morals and more advanced technology and resources.

I was tired of reincarnating over and over again, especially for this particular cycle. This was the one as a lightworker who had to help “save humanity” as a whole. I had gone through more than enough of my 500 plus lifetimes on this realm, and I knew that 3D earth was never fun. Especially these days when poverty, pollution, environmental damage has become engrossed and enlarged to a degree most would not have expected. I was tired of listening to the bible and the misunderstandings most had reading between the lines of standard Christianity. Lines had to be construed and yet picked apart to no end, and it was hard to find out what meant what. What if I could just board the spaceship with my alien friend in order to shoot off to the galaxy whereby I didn’t even have to come back to earth over and over again?

This delusion in itself had taken a foothold over me. This type of worship almost mirrored limerence, and I started to appreciate and worship traits in a standard white guy as though he was the Jesus. He was god. It wasn’t necessarily healthy for me to see it this way, because this delusion made me actually believe that I would head off to a new dimension with a new species altogether. Mentally, I was preparing for this? How would I feel in this new world, where aliens sent messages through telepathic messages? Would Alex help me absorb the culture shock and species shock altogether?

This delusion played over and over in my head from time to time. I almost got a sort of “high” just thinking I had a safety net, a place I could call “home.” It eventually became a psychotic delusion that I had built up. It did not make me see things clearly. Moreso, I was ignoring the blatant truth that was right in front me: my best friend was an earth angel.

Earth angels were sent to earth to help humanity in many ways. When she was still alive, she could see auras and detect things in others that would help heal them spiritually. She had direct messages from god of the 5D realm. She mentioned to me things when she was still alive like “working on the universe with god” with a smiley face emoji tacked to the back. She mentioned to me that she had a dream whereby she was surrounded by a council of elders who confirmed that she had “Jesus” energy instilled within her. “It would be too vain to mention it to others”, she admitted to me, holding back. I didn’t make much of the comment back then. I knew that fellow Earth Angel Doreen Virtue had personally seen the ACTUAL Jesus and has been a devote Christian and stands by her beliefs that only Jesus, the oldest of our 5D reincarnations, and the very first human being to have been placed on 3D earth, can shape and contort things for us. “Jesus” was the one who wrote the bible after all.

It was enough trying to absorb the fact that my best friend had killed herself, and was no longer a technical “earth angel”. She was confused about her abilities and powers and scared of things, no less. But, she was placed on earth by “God” in order to help save humanity as well, like other lightworkers out there. I started to discredit the power of angels and what they did necessarily. There are beings that can come into the form of an angel, but you aren’t sure. The only way to really know is to stare deeply into their eyes. The eyes are the windows to the soul.

As time passed, I noticed objects and money being stolen from me by “entities” of some sort. There was a spirit attached to my body that had stolen my bank cards and cash money throughout the years. It was a murderer that clung onto my heart chakra. When it left my personal aura and headed to the light, it still bothered me by placing a hex or black magic spell on me to rob me half a grand every few months. “I thought it left my body!” I cried. “It likes you, and it will continue to take your money from time to time,” Hindu psychic mentioned. I wondered to myself, “Where is Archangel Michael in a time like this? Where is the actual God? Is he too worried about the massive 7.0 Earthquake in China at the moment?” I held incredible doubt and disbelief that angels existed and that they served purpose. I might as well board on a spaceship with my white boyfriend and head off to the oldest galaxy in the universe to dismiss the bible and Christianity altogether.

This psychotic delusion played over and over in my head. I had construed all the ways I would approach Alex to ask him face to face to help bring me over to the “other side”. Only, this other side was full of aliens I did not know, with different customs and tactics that they operated with. It was my form of escape from this. This belief and wish kept ruminating in my head. It got to the point where it was finally time to stop and look at what was truly in front of me: an actual realm of messengers of god. Angels were one of these messengers. Yet, God has the ability to attune to any entity at any time. The God is the universe, and the angels help humans through requests through prayers.

I was completing my thought processes of all the ways I would ask Alex to help me hop on board and transform into a starseed one day. How would I present this topic to him? How would he take all this? Would he be stunned that I am asking him such a strange thing? The thoughts of all the ways I would present myself in speech and manner kept building up and up in my mind. I replayed the conversations I would present to him and all the lines I would use.

I had done this before this specific time, only, this time, the thoughts were intensified ten fold. I was in a state one morning where I felt like I was on some acid trip (I don’t use drugs by the way), and my mental high made me want to blast music on my iphone and listen to it to add a background to the high frequency vibes. It was almost as though my panic and anxiety over requesting these things to a guy were inflated to a point of purging. I was reaching a peak in terms of my thought processes, where the thoughts became racing and faster. It all got to a point where I couldn’t head to my usual tutoring session that day because I was too “high” on something (whatever it was) and couldn’t concentrate.

I started to take the bus back towards the station. At that point, the racing thoughts and anxiety had started to calm down a bit, thankfully. I was at the climax of my high but heading down for the crash soon. Just as my anxiety and panic started to calm down, I held a revelation and epiphanic thought: My best friend knows “Jesus”. She was a direct messenger to “God.” She had mentioned it to me offhand years back through Facebook messages and direct messages that I did not analyze or put too much thought into. I started breaking down and sobbing intensely. It was hard to hold back the tears, almost as though some sort of other energy of some sort had washed over me to let that release. I didn’t necessarily like to cry or want to cry, but it just came out, like a flood.

I spent the rest of the day a bit tired and sleepy, and I had completely lost my appetite for anything to eat. I couldn’t imagine doing anything for the rest of the day. I was at my low end of the high and didn’t have much energy to do much else. I decided to take a mindless bus ride to Indigo Chapters late at night. As I sat in my seat, having Mariah Carey’s “I’ll be there” on repeat, a white butterfly suddenly perched on my arm. It was interesting, but this butterfly wasn’t in its usual fluttering state, like a lot of butterflies are. It was Elissa’s energy, instilled within a white butterfly. It was white to indicate healing power. She loved butterflies because they were interdimensional. I remember her wearing butterfly stickers all the time tacked to her neck.

The lines from Mariah Carey’s song, “Just call my name, and I’ll be there” were intensified at the same time, to show synchronicity. There she was. I had thought she was too busy tending to drug addicts and coma ridden patients in ICUs to give me any attention. But there she was, in the form of a butterfly. She had the direct passageway and heard god. I took a picture to capture this butterfly. I will keep this sentiment with me to indicate and remind me that butterflies do exist. Just make a prayer with intent, and they will come to you. Peace. Love. Namaste.

I grew up worrying about finding the right one, especially that particular one who was a part of my soul family. Every guy I dated, I would hope for that magical energy between us that would indicate our soulmate power. What exactly is a soulmate? A soulmate is apparently one who is part of your soul family that you reincarnate with over and over through numerous lives. You can pick who they are in your upcoming life. They can be your mother, your father, your best friend, but moreso importantly to most people, a life partner and a significant other. It is someone that you hopefully choose to marry and spend the rest of your life with in that particular reincarnation.

It’s interesting, because I’ve dated many men in my life. I honestly don’t know who can match my number in terms of the guys I’ve met, fooled around with, had a somewhat serious relationship. I was scouting dating sites and went to meetup groups to find out where my prince charming would end up being. Was he at Epilepsy Toronto? Was he at the local convenience store across the street? I must admit, my sexual trauma was what added to this constant manhopping and going from one guy to another. I never necessarily received the most love growing up, although my family did look out for me. It was just a simple Chinese family that would perform gestures and acts toward one another that on the surface, appeared to be a family that was not horrible in terms of hate crimes like molestation, physical abuse, and stealing. However, like in most traditional Chinese households, the simple phrase, “I love you” was never thrown around too much. You had to decipher and make meaning behind some of these things, even if it wasn’t explicitly stated and physically expressed in bodily gestures in a grandiose manner.

That’s when the cycle of recycling guys came into play. I would regularly go on sites like Okcupid and scour the dating profiles. I valued dating sites due to the way that you could systematically go through a list of men with filters, and match it to your own preferences and needs. I would label the men in my cell phone contact list with Okcupid in the directory to keep track of them and categorize them. I would easily go to meetups and groups and flirt with the guys there, and then end up in bed with them very easily. I remember a guy I met up with at Epilepsy Toronto had actually come into contact with another guy I dated from Okcupid. They met each other through a meetup about political philosophy. “Is he still making his racist remarks?” Borden asked angrily to me. “I took him off Facebook for all that racist and incel he posted,” he further remarked.

It was a whirlwind of guys one after another, and it was surprising how two of them even happened to come into contact with one another too. I guess I was just a slut of some sort or what not. I didn’t necessarily know what I was thinking. But deep down inside all of that, I knew what I wanted. I wanted someone to spend my life with. I wanted someone who would be the one to completely understand me, but moreso, provide me with that particular type of love.

I remember going to several psychics to ask about finding a life partner. This especially became the case as I approached my early 30s. My best friend turned Earth Angel had passed away. I had very few, close to no friends, in my life. My immediate family I kept at a distance, to be honest. So where would that one true soul partner be? These psychics provided me with false claims about who it would be. “Yes, I see that your life partner will come to you in a few months. His name starts with a C” one psychic stated. C? Is this Carlos? The guy I have been flirting with lately who owns that small business? I tried to decipher who in my list would fit that particular role of soul and life partner for me. I mistakenly believed that a guy I met off Okcupid, Chris, was my soon-to-be life partner. My Earth Angel friend had sent me messages that same day with playing “invisible man” in my song playlist to indicate that it wasn’t him 5 min prior to meeting my prince charming for the first time.

I came to the realization after exhausting my whole directory of men that the soul partner does not necessarily exist. If it does, it will come to you as planned. I made the realization that I needed to focus on myself first, and perhaps make friends with more females in my life. I somehow was deterred by females because I grew up with a female entrenched household. My younger sisters liked to make snide remarks about the way I dressed, the way I ate, and how I didn’t fit into their conceived notions of worthiness with certain levels of “hip” and “coolness”. I had a mother who was overbearing and never gave me my own private space much. That’s why I turned to that romantic partner expectation even more.

Placing all your expectations and focusing on it at one time is too demanding. It will create more resistance through the laws of physics. You have to let the natural laws of energy run its course, almost like two charged atoms on opposite ends that will suddenly connect. I remember bumping into a good friend from my soul family at the Toronto Reference Library accidentally. He had been given a slight intuitive sign that there was some ‘energy’ there, perhaps a psychic energy, and asked me out loud, “Are you looking for anything?” I turned my head and noticed a Dan Levy look alike somehow fishing for my attention. “Oh, no, I’m just getting something,” I replied. I realized that he was an artist, much like my own self. I decided to get his contact the next time I met up with him. I was hoping he would help me with a publishing project I was working on. “Okay, but don’t use this email and give it out to anyone else!” he demanded, being his reluctant, guarded self. He had issues with providing his personal information to anyone, including numbers and emails. I initially thought he was an alcoholic who was going to eventually rob me one day some day and perform some atrocious crime on me.

From thereon, something larger developed.

We started loosening up to each other a bit more, and have kept in contact for more than half a decade. He had his list of females that he went through as well, most of them Asian females. He was incredibly suave at picking up women, especially the Asian ones. I was a bit different. I was the one who added that bit more of a spark to him. I added that bit more of that “spiritual” energy. It was because we actually happened to belong to the same soul family. I didn’t even realize this until months after hanging out with each other. We had started out as good friends with significant partners in the meanwhile, on both ends.

He showed up with a packaged meal and a card indicating his appreciation for me one Christmas eve. This was to show how much my presence into his life meant to him. We still joke around a lot, and we still aren’t even exclusive with one another. It’s not even necessarily a romantic relationship entrenched with oxytocin induced love. It’s a relationship based off trust and bonding. We still fool around with others in the meantime, and the trust factor goes into actually not instilling any jealousy or suspicion.

Remember this. A soulmate partner will come to you when you least expect it. A life partner is not going to come in riding on his horse as prince charming to pick up his princess. A soulmate is not going to be a romantic life partner either. It can be a friend. It can be a teacher. Regardless, the soul partner is one who you will feel and know instinctually as time passes by.

As I find myself grabbing my imaginary crotch here and there from time to time (I’m female, btw).

Yes, you heard that right. I pretend as though I still have a dick, even though I don’t, in this lifetime.

I went to see a psychic a few years ago to help me resolve a few issues that had been lingering on at that moment in time for me. One, I had horrible left shoulder pain that I just wanted to get rid of. Two, my best friend had just garnered her wings after her ex had passed away. Her ex Justin had become the wings on her back. I wanted some psychic counseling with all these massive events that were being thrown my way.

I had seen a psychic somewhere in downtown Toronto. I wanted to know where I should take things from here in terms of my life. I also wanted to know why I’ve held onto this longstanding anxiety that had stuck with me throughout my entire life. I wasn’t sure where it came from necessarily. All I knew was that I was way more anxious than your average joe. I held onto symptoms of fight or flight a lot and applied that to everyday situations. It didn’t necessarily make sense. This was until I visited a psychic. He meditated for 2 hours to contact Archangel Michael. This spirit mentioned that I was a soldier named Luka in my most recent past life. I had to fight as a Taiwanese soldier during the 18th century in Han China.

The psychic mentioned to me, “Please wait 2 to 3 weeks for Archangel Michael to help fix that shoulder pain of yours.” Adding on, he said, “Also, Archangel Michael told me that you were a Taiwanese soldier in 18th century China who fought in the war. I sense a lot of rough energies and aggressive energies that still remain. You have to work to learn to channel more ease into your everyday life.”

So I was a male soldier? Okay. In this lifetime, I was raised into a quiet, Chinese immigrant family. I can’t say that any of my immediate family members were outrageous and had that threatening surge to them. Yet, I tried to maintain my past life energy in me. I remember the slightest instances triggering some part of me that I tried to maintain and suppress.

“Why are you telling me to take off my shoes?!” I would shout in the loudest voice to my grandmother or mother as a young child when I came home. I would relate my parental figures to authority figures at boot camp instantaneously I remember one time at home in my late teens my sister made her typical snide remarks to my mother one day. My mother broke down into tears. That Luka part of me came out where I felt the need to defend for something, and show my proud ways to state morality and ethics. I stomped down the stairs to make my presence and state my point.

Standing in front of them with my chest high up and ready to serve as a soldier of some sort, I went on to make my statement. “How DARE YOU speak to our very own mother like this?!” I berated my sister. “You will have to pay for this I’m sure! In a manner that will be unheard of! Nobody deserves this kind of ethical treatment!” My commanding tone and overbearing presence scared my younger sister, to the point where she ran away from the house for a day or two. She was afraid I would have pulled out a rifle on her, or beat her to death if anything. I think she went to an emergency foster care area close by.

Luka comes out especially in work situations. I remember having the highest fear of working in general. Nothing gave me more anxiety than being in work situations. Female authority figures scared me to death. Imagine being a soldier in a past life, whereby you go through boot camp and have a trainer who would come out in front of you to shout in your face to properly do your job or else. “Are you doing enough push ups?!” “This is not enough!!” is the typical way a trainer has to primp up a soldier in its preparation for battle where bombs would go off. I related the past trauma of that to everyday work situations. I related my experiences as a cashier at the local dollar store to this.

I remember a scene one morning as I had just signed into my work shift at Dollar Tree. My female authority figures were ready to harp about something, much in the same usual way they would pester and harass any other employee. Yet, they picked on me the most only because I left a bad first impression during my first shift at work. I remember leaving items on the back of the shelf still yet to be front faced. That first shift, I was so nervous that I forgot to close and lock certain drawers. This view of me as someone who did not know how to do her job efficiently and quickly clung on, even though I had shown my improvement over several shifts and beyond.

The 2 assistant managers holed me into a corner at the back of the store to give me a rant about taking out the garbage that was scheduled yesterday. I was hustled into a dark corner that morning in the back room. Both of them huddled together to yell at me and bully me about proper work practices and work ethics.

“The garbage MUST be taken out every Thursday morning!” one assistant manager shouted. In my subconscious mind, I was relaying this instance to one of my instances as Luka in the army. I was being berated by a commander or superior, yet this time, he or she was dressed in a green corporate tee shirt. My fight or flight part of my brain was triggered again, and I relayed this instance of retail corporate politics with employees as though some superior was commanding more out of me than could be humanly possible. Taking out the garbage was the same as putting my life on the line in order to serve my higher ups.

“I’m going to kill myself!” I shouted in the loudest, most forceful tone. I gathered up the same energy as Luka would, and using my integrity, I was ready to walk out the door.

“If you walk out the door, you’re fired!” The assistant manager threatened. At this moment, I felt like I couldn’t escape now, and being in that fight or flight mode, I was now wired to fight after having been caged in the small back room. I looked around the dark, small storage room. My head quickly turned to see who was within my gaze.

My assistant manager Jen was sitting right across from me on the chair, of course. The spotlight was placed on her now. Without thinking, I took out my arm and used my hand to swipe at her right cheek. She flinched. I was this close to slapping her. I am sure my Luka side was coming out right there and then.

From that moment onwards, that scene triggered remorse for my actions. I deeply felt remorse for my actions. You don’t have time to think much during life and death situations, and being scolded for not taking out the garbage the previous day was somehow one of those life and death situations for my subconscious. I drummed up all of the ways I would apologize to Jen if we were to bump into each other again for a shift (not too far away).

I had heard rumors from the rest of my coworkers that Jen had called the Ministry of Labor on me. “She’s waiting for their reply,” my coworker Sarah mentioned.

A week had passed almost, and I finally came into contact with Jen again. I saw her cleaning up the supplies in the store. She was staying a bit late. I had just arrived for my shift. This contact forced me to begin with my apologies. “Listen, I’m sorry for what I did, I truly am…” I came out with in a sorrow manner. I had the most regretful face on me.

She quickly turned her head to face me with the most fierce, scorned face that was likened to the way a typical Luka would have presented with. Then she shot her hand right up in front of my face indicating she didn’t want to be anywhere near me at all. In her defensive manner, she shouted in the most rapturous tone, “BACK OFF!” Suddenly, my Luka sense of integrity only got the better of me. My thoughts were, “Was this going to be resolved? Was this a lost cause? If so, then I’m OUT.” I turned my back and stomped my feet away, only to head towards the exit door of the store. This was done in much the same way Luka would have walked out from a ruthless scene that couldn’t be solved.

I walked home that day riled with the biggest amount of anger and resentment. I quickly raced home much in the same way Luka would seek his shelter or safe haven. The apartment was just two blocks from the Dollar Tree. I turned my key inside the keyhole of my apartment door, and forced my body onto my bed. What a day.

That is just one example of how remnants of our past life traumas dictate us in very subconscious ways. To this day, I have a fear of going back inside the Dollar Tree in fear of bumping into my assistant managers again, Jen and Anna. This was just one ‘Luka’ moment amongst many others that have popped up here and there in everyday life for me.

Other examples that play out in everyday life surface as well. I have a subconscious fear of fire scenarios whenever I’m presented with instances that remind me of this. “I am afraid my skin will catch on fire if I were to use a lighter to attempt to sage my apartment with herbs.” I have this strong fear of being late and not meeting strict appointment times. “I’m afraid of setting my alarm clock for a simple zoom training session with Simply Green Home Services, the sales company I was just hired from, to do in-home telephone sales.” I am always afraid to pull my covid mask down in fear that a superior or someone will come attack me for not wearing my gear properly. “If I pull my mask down to give myself a proper breath while walking done the aisle of Walmart, an employee dressed in a blue shirt will sternly point their finger at me and shout, ‘wear your mask properly, or ELSE!'”

My past life plays out in this lifetime in little ways that adds up. I can’t necessarily ignore this other side of me, although I am a different character in this lifetime compared to what I was in a previous lifetime. In this lifetime, I happen to be an introverted female. I am someone who tries to ignore any negativities around me because I can be overstimulated as well. I can shut up for the longest time and not spend any time around people and be fine. Yet, those Luka soldier triggers do occur from time to time. I guess the best way to work with this different character energy is to maintain it as best as I can. Yet, as I had mentioned before, when I am lying in bed, my fingers will somehow magically rub that private part of myself in that crotch area that just doesn’t exist in the here and now.

The future version of you (somewhere on the 5D plane) will periodically cry for your attention during the present moment. The future version of you will come to you in your dreams, when you are at a higher frequency state, during your REM state. The 5D version of you will help you soothe any underlying worries you may have at the present moment. I recognized this after having had several wacky dreams over the years that were really just my future self trying to help solve my sexual trauma. It’s interesting, but I can vividly remember a few of them that were all directed towards my issues with boys and sex.

I grew up with the strangest fear of sex. I poured a little bit of sexual trauma onto myself through my upbringing and my paranoid tendencies. I remember finding out how to masturbate properly and give myself an orgasm for the first time right before I finished highschool. My highschool sweetheart and the first guy to fool around with me woke me up to what sex was. He had touched my clitoris and started massaging it. I flinched and shouted “ooouch!” He looked at me in surprise and shock. “Don’t you do this to yourself?” He asked.

It wasn’t until later that evening that I properly googled “orgasm”. It was the summer of gr 12, and our family had finally received home internet. I was situated in front of my bedroom desk and had my computer to myself. I started researching this, and decided to try this deed myself. I started rubbing that area, and it took about a few minutes before I finally gave myself a proper orgasm for the first time in my life. Later that night, I went to bed scared wondering what the hell I had done to myself. I continued the pattern of masturbating every night for some reason though. I posted on a message board, “Are there any health benefits to masturbating everyday?” in concern. I honestly was concerned whether there were long term consequences of this.

I can’t say my relationship with sex was much smoother during the coming decade. I had developed an honest sexual trauma for some reason, and it really carried out with my interactions with guys and my constant dating around. I even ended up working at a massage parlor to help me get over this trauma of mine.

My future self is my mind that is trying to communicate with me in some way about the present circumstances and attempt to solve problems. As mentioned by Freud, your dreams can tell you things through images, signs, and symbols. It’s up to you to interpret these dreams, but signs are being sent.

I remember one night downing this bottle of melatonin, which is a a good sleeping supplement. It tends to give you vivid dreams that stick in your mind after you wake up. I was reading and researching Madonna about half an hour before heading to bed. I remember going through her wikipedia article, watching her youtube videos, and listening a bit of my music which included great songs like Vogue, Like a Prayer, and Papa Don’t Preach. Little did I know that my 5D self would meet Madonna’s 5D self a few hours later during REM sleep.

Madonna had just released a new book in my dream. Everyone knew about it. There was going to be a celebrity gathering of some sort in tribute to her new book. It was a great publicity stint. I think I was able to make it there because my mind was concentrating on her, almost summoning her in some way. I made it there with the rest of the guests. I told my friend Jay about this new upcoming book of hers, and was quickly about to get ready to head to her place. I was scrummaging through my items, putting on my clothes trying to look the best I could, and packing everything up. I couldn’t forget her new memoir too of course! As I was doing this, I could hear my mom’s voice nagging in the background. “Where are you headed? When will you be home?” she asked fervently. She always showed her concern in a manner that was too abrupt and too personal, bordering annoying nonetheless. Ironically, she was the one who added to my sexual trauma too, since she was the one who forbid me from dating and having sex as a teen. “You’ll grow more zits on your face!” she lauded. “If you have sex, the semen will go up your butt and make it sag like an old lady’s!” She commended.

As I flew over to her place, I was surrounded by many celebrities and people in general. They were all gathered around in little groups during this dinner event. I had to swarm left and right to make my way through the heaps of people until I finally stood a few inches from the one and only Madonna. I trudged my way through Conan O’brien as I saw him with the suit. There was Oprah Winfrey to my right just a few steps away. She had to keep up with 100 guests after all, and now I was standing beside her. My 5D self was flustered and a bit awestruck. The queen of pop was standing right in front of me! (In my dream, of course ;p). It was amazing to have some celebrity icon in a dream tend to you and give you your attention, if only briefly!

Meeting eye to eye with her, I showed her the book that I bought. I had the sense of frantic urgency carried with me. I said to her, “I’ve had longstanding sexual trauma issues with me ever since I’ve been a teen.” I looked at her as though she was a doctor for my sexual trauma. She patted me on the back, and we shared a comforting bond at that moment, however brief it was. Madonna’s 5D spirit was consoling my 5D spirit in this manner. It wasn’t long though until she had to turn away and face her attention to the millions of other celebrities and figures all fishing for her attention. I caught a glimpse of Madonna and revealed to her my issues! It was for 2 seconds, but I felt that brief moment of consolation.

This is just one classic example of how our 5D selves in our future realm tries to solve problems for us in order to help us feel better when we wake up. My 5D self was just desperate to help me drop by sexual trauma. I had just read about Madonna 30 min before I headed to bed. This was a classic opportunity to derive up the concept to meet 5D spirit Madonna to settle any matters I had in this realm. She is someone who wants people to express their sexuality in a healthy way. It’s shown through the way she advertises herself as a sex icon and pop icon in the media. We meet other 5D selves that are roaming around as well in our mind. Dreams are meant to solve underlying emotional issues that have been clinging to us for years on end. This is why we always feel better with a good night’s rest, not as startled and disturbed as much.