I grew up worrying about finding the right one, especially that particular one who was a part of my soul family. Every guy I dated, I would hope for that magical energy between us that would indicate our soulmate power. What exactly is a soulmate? A soulmate is apparently one who is part of your soul family that you reincarnate with over and over through numerous lives. You can pick who they are in your upcoming life. They can be your mother, your father, your best friend, but moreso importantly to most people, a life partner and a significant other. It is someone that you hopefully choose to marry and spend the rest of your life with in that particular reincarnation.
It’s interesting, because I’ve dated many men in my life. I honestly don’t know who can match my number in terms of the guys I’ve met, fooled around with, had a somewhat serious relationship. I was scouting dating sites and went to meetup groups to find out where my prince charming would end up being. Was he at Epilepsy Toronto? Was he at the local convenience store across the street? I must admit, my sexual trauma was what added to this constant manhopping and going from one guy to another. I never necessarily received the most love growing up, although my family did look out for me. It was just a simple Chinese family that would perform gestures and acts toward one another that on the surface, appeared to be a family that was not horrible in terms of hate crimes like molestation, physical abuse, and stealing. However, like in most traditional Chinese households, the simple phrase, “I love you” was never thrown around too much. You had to decipher and make meaning behind some of these things, even if it wasn’t explicitly stated and physically expressed in bodily gestures in a grandiose manner.
That’s when the cycle of recycling guys came into play. I would regularly go on sites like Okcupid and scour the dating profiles. I valued dating sites due to the way that you could systematically go through a list of men with filters, and match it to your own preferences and needs. I would label the men in my cell phone contact list with Okcupid in the directory to keep track of them and categorize them. I would easily go to meetups and groups and flirt with the guys there, and then end up in bed with them very easily. I remember a guy I met up with at Epilepsy Toronto had actually come into contact with another guy I dated from Okcupid. They met each other through a meetup about political philosophy. “Is he still making his racist remarks?” Borden asked angrily to me. “I took him off Facebook for all that racist and incel he posted,” he further remarked.
It was a whirlwind of guys one after another, and it was surprising how two of them even happened to come into contact with one another too. I guess I was just a slut of some sort or what not. I didn’t necessarily know what I was thinking. But deep down inside all of that, I knew what I wanted. I wanted someone to spend my life with. I wanted someone who would be the one to completely understand me, but moreso, provide me with that particular type of love.
I remember going to several psychics to ask about finding a life partner. This especially became the case as I approached my early 30s. My best friend turned Earth Angel had passed away. I had very few, close to no friends, in my life. My immediate family I kept at a distance, to be honest. So where would that one true soul partner be? These psychics provided me with false claims about who it would be. “Yes, I see that your life partner will come to you in a few months. His name starts with a C” one psychic stated. C? Is this Carlos? The guy I have been flirting with lately who owns that small business? I tried to decipher who in my list would fit that particular role of soul and life partner for me. I mistakenly believed that a guy I met off Okcupid, Chris, was my soon-to-be life partner. My Earth Angel friend had sent me messages that same day with playing “invisible man” in my song playlist to indicate that it wasn’t him 5 min prior to meeting my prince charming for the first time.
I came to the realization after exhausting my whole directory of men that the soul partner does not necessarily exist. If it does, it will come to you as planned. I made the realization that I needed to focus on myself first, and perhaps make friends with more females in my life. I somehow was deterred by females because I grew up with a female entrenched household. My younger sisters liked to make snide remarks about the way I dressed, the way I ate, and how I didn’t fit into their conceived notions of worthiness with certain levels of “hip” and “coolness”. I had a mother who was overbearing and never gave me my own private space much. That’s why I turned to that romantic partner expectation even more.
Placing all your expectations and focusing on it at one time is too demanding. It will create more resistance through the laws of physics. You have to let the natural laws of energy run its course, almost like two charged atoms on opposite ends that will suddenly connect. I remember bumping into a good friend from my soul family at the Toronto Reference Library accidentally. He had been given a slight intuitive sign that there was some ‘energy’ there, perhaps a psychic energy, and asked me out loud, “Are you looking for anything?” I turned my head and noticed a Dan Levy look alike somehow fishing for my attention. “Oh, no, I’m just getting something,” I replied. I realized that he was an artist, much like my own self. I decided to get his contact the next time I met up with him. I was hoping he would help me with a publishing project I was working on. “Okay, but don’t use this email and give it out to anyone else!” he demanded, being his reluctant, guarded self. He had issues with providing his personal information to anyone, including numbers and emails. I initially thought he was an alcoholic who was going to eventually rob me one day some day and perform some atrocious crime on me.
From thereon, something larger developed.
We started loosening up to each other a bit more, and have kept in contact for more than half a decade. He had his list of females that he went through as well, most of them Asian females. He was incredibly suave at picking up women, especially the Asian ones. I was a bit different. I was the one who added that bit more of a spark to him. I added that bit more of that “spiritual” energy. It was because we actually happened to belong to the same soul family. I didn’t even realize this until months after hanging out with each other. We had started out as good friends with significant partners in the meanwhile, on both ends.
He showed up with a packaged meal and a card indicating his appreciation for me one Christmas eve. This was to show how much my presence into his life meant to him. We still joke around a lot, and we still aren’t even exclusive with one another. It’s not even necessarily a romantic relationship entrenched with oxytocin induced love. It’s a relationship based off trust and bonding. We still fool around with others in the meantime, and the trust factor goes into actually not instilling any jealousy or suspicion.
Remember this. A soulmate partner will come to you when you least expect it. A life partner is not going to come in riding on his horse as prince charming to pick up his princess. A soulmate is not going to be a romantic life partner either. It can be a friend. It can be a teacher. Regardless, the soul partner is one who you will feel and know instinctually as time passes by.
Bibl3.0 